If you kiss her, you are not a gentleman
If you don't, you are not a man

If you praise her, she thinks you are lying
If you don't, you are good for nothing

If you agree to all her likes, you are a wimp
If you don't, you are not understanding

If you visit her often, she thinks it is boring
If you don't, she accuses you of double-crossing

If you are well dressed, she says you are a playboy
If you don't, you are a dull boy

If you are jealous, she says it's bad
If you don't, she thinks you do not love her

If you attempt a romance, she says you didn't respect her

Banta had recently purchased a new computer with Microsoft Windows as the O/S and was unhappy with the same and writes a letter to Bill Gates, regarding the same.

Dear Mr. Bill Gates,

We have bought a computer for our home and we have found some problems, which I want to bring to your notice.

Equation 1

Human = eat + sleep + work + enjoy
Donkey = eat + sleep

Therefore,
Human = Donkey + work + enjoy

Therefore,
Human - enjoy = Donkey + work

In other words,
Human that don't know enjoy = Donkey that work

Equation 2

Men = eat + sleep + earn money
Donkeys = eat + sleep

Therefore,
Men = Donkeys + earn money

Therefore,
Men - earn money = Donkeys

In other words,
Men that don't earn money = Donkeys

Equation 3

Women = eat + sleep + spend
Donkeys = eat + sleep

Therefore,
Women = Donkeys + spend

Therefore,

Narada: Data Transfer
Brihaspathi: Chief Information Officer.
ChitraGupta: Personnel Records
Yama: ReOrganisation Consultant.
Brahma: Systems Installation
Vishnu: Tech Support
Shiva: Power syatems support & anti virus specialist
Ram: Hardware Support
Apsaras: Downloadable Viruses
Devas: Programmers
Surya: Unix System Adminstrator.
Lakshmi: Manager ; Trading Systems
Arjun: Lead Programmer (all Companies are Vying for him)
Draupadi: Front Desk Receptionist ALSO - SHareWare Document.
Bhima: Office Boy (usually, carries Mainframes Around the Organisation)

The Lesser-known Programming Language #1: SIMPLE
SIMPLE is an acronym for Sheer Idiot's Monopurpose Programming Language Environment. This language, developed at the Hanover College for Technological Misfits, was designed to make it impossible to write code with errors in it. The statements are, therefore, confined to BEGIN, END and STOP. No matter how you arrange the statements, you can't make a syntax error. Programs written in SIMPLE do nothing useful. Thus they achieve the results of programs written in other languages without the tedious, frustrating process of testing and debugging.

# When computing, whatever happens, behave as though you meant it to happen.
# When you get to the point where your really understand your computer, then it's probably obsolete.
# The first place to look for information is in the section of the manual where you least expect to find it.
# When the going gets tough, upgrade.
# For every action there is an equal and opposite malfunction
# To err is human... to really screw things up royally requires a computer.
# He who laughs last probably made a back-up.

Analog Hors d'oeuvre, usually made from cheese and covered with crushed nuts.

ASCII The last name of a well-known English comedian, popular in the late '40s-'60s.

Assembly Language Profanities used by people who build computers from kits. Such people are known as 'cursors' (see below).

Back-up Current data errors that have been saved for future use. See Database Back-up or File Back-up.

Binary Possessing the ability to have friends of both sexes.

Bit 12 1/2 cents ($.125); A word used to describe computers, as in "Our son's computer cost quite a bit."

A NUMBER OF DIFFERENT APPROACHES ARE BEING TRIED
We are still pissing in the wind.

EXTENSIVE REPORT IS BEING PREPARED ON A FRESH APPROACH TO THE PROBLEM
We just hired three kids fresh out of college.

CLOSE PROJECT COORDINATION
We know who to blame.

MAJOR TECHNOLOGICAL BREAKTHROUGH
It works OK, but looks very hi-tech.

CUSTOMER SATISFACTION IS DELIVERED ASSURED
We are so far behind schedule the customer is happy to get it delivered.

PRELIMINARY OPERATIONAL TESTS WERE INCONCLUSIVE
The darn thing blew up when we threw the switch.

TEST RESULTS WERE EXTREMELY GRATIFYING

ADA: A Dumb Arrangement A Dumb Acronym

BASIC: Boring And Shamelessly Idiotic Coders
Badly Assembled, Severely Illogical Code Beginner's Algorithms for Seemingly Infinite Confusion

C: Crud

COBOL: Completly Outdated, Badly Overused Language
Completly Overused, Badly Outdated Language
Cowards Only Buy Outdated Languages build bother (with) Believe (in)
Codes Only Bullshit Obsessed Labryinths
Crap Operated By Obsessed lunatics Crap Often Bothers Our Lethargy Crap Ostracized By Our Loathing
Compiles Only Because Of Luck

Picard "Mr. LaForge, have you had any success with your attempts at finding a weakness in the Borg? And Mr. Data, have you been able to access their command pathways?"

Geordi "Yes, Captain. In fact, we found the answer by searching through our archives on late Twentieth-century computing technology."

Geordi presses a key, and a logo appears on the computer screen.

Riker looks puzzled. "What the hell is 'Microsoft'?"