All Jokes

A Schoolmaster from a remote rural area in Bihar was transferred to a new School in Mumbai.

He reported for duty two days before August 15 and, as was the practice in the school, was asked to address the school assembly on Independence Day.
Here's his dynamite speech :

Leddies and Gentulmens, Contemporaries, Children, "This is my first maiden speech. If small mistakes get inside my speech, I ask pardon.

1) Read each question carefully
2) Answer all questions.
3) Time Limit 3 weeks.
4) Begin immediately.

1. What language is spoken in France?

2. Give a dissertation on the ancient Babylonian Empire with particular reference to architecture, literature, law and social conditions OR Give the first name of Bill Clinton.

3. Would you ask William Shakespeare to (a) build a bridge (b) sail the ocean (c) lead an army (d) WRITE A PLAY.

4. What religion is the Pope? (check only one) (a) Jewish (b) Catholic (c) Hindu (d) Polish (e) Agnostic.

Why are residents of Jharkhand happy?
Because, from now onwards they won't be called Biharis...

There were two Sardarjis Bantya and Santya as bombers. They
had to place a time bomb in order to explode a building. So
they were going on their destination in a car. On their way
Bantya asked Santya, Santya what will happen if the time
bomb explodes in this car itself. Santya replied
Do not worry, I have a spare one

*A man got 2 wishes from GOD. He asked for the Best wine and Best
Woman.
Next moment, he had the Best Wine and Mother Teresa next to him.
Moral : BE SPECIFIC

* What is a BEST and WORST news you can hear at the SAME time ?
It is when your Girl Friend says "YOU are the BEST KISSER among all your
Friends."

*If you do NOT have a Girl Friend - You are missing SOME thing in
your life. If you HAVE a Girl Friend - You are missing EVERY thing in
your life.

* .

*When your LIFE is in DARKNESS, PRAY GOD and ask him to free you

Students secures lower grades in the externals, after looking at the mark sheet he asks professor.

Student : "Can you answer any question ? " .

Professor: "Surely I must. Otherwise I would not be a professor!"

Student: "Great, well then I would like to ask you a question. If you can give me the correct answer, I will accept my mark as is and go. If you however do not know the answer, I want you give me an "A" for the exam. "

Professor: "Okay, it's a deal. So what is the question?"

A mother is driving a little girl to her friend's house for a play date.

"Mommy," the little girl asks, "how old are you?"

"Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age," the mother replied.

"It's not polite."

"OK", the little girl says, "How much do! you weigh?"

"Now really," the mother says, "those are personal questions and are really none of your business."

Undaunted, the little girl asks, "Why did you and Daddy get a divorce?"

"That is enough questions, young lady, honestly!"

The exasperated mother walks away as the two friends begin to play.